Lowering the Bar
I know, I know. Lowering the bar? Don’t I mean raising the bar? Isn’t that always where we are headed?
Not today, ladies.
Today’s lesson is very clear: we must lower the bar. Where? What bar?
The bar that tells us when we need to take care of something. Specifically, ourselves and our family members. Well, family members not so much. We are usually more readily aware of what our children need, and even perhaps our spouses. But ourselves, not so much.
Let’s start with the kids, however. Because, even there, some of us fall into the trap of saying, “They’ll get over it.” “We can deal with this.”
You may not like me for what I have to say here, but the message is so important – life saving, sometimes – that I am willing to risk my popularity for it.
Mom, Dad, you may be the most attentive parents in the world. You may give your kids just the right amount of love and attention, hugs and strictness, firm guidelines and soft demeanor. They may know they can tell you anything – and do. You may be fully aware of their strengths, flaws, and emotional health. Completely. And that makes you Amazing Parents. And you should be so proud of yourselves. But, sometimes, our kids encounter difficulties that do require the attention of people who were trained to help in such situations. Sometimes, they need that help. Sometimes, we do. Either way, figuring out the what and the how – that’s your job. Include them, if they are old enough to need to have a say (for instance you might think a psychologist is the way to go, but your 15 year old says no way –> no point in going. They won’t open their mouths.) Offer options. There are SO many options. And then make sure you set it up and send them, or yourselves, to get the help they need.
Everyone has everything right now to navigate the difficulties and challenges they have in their lives right now. That means that you know someone who knows someone, or you recall the name of an old friend who does just the work you are looking for. Or else, if you really don’t know where to go, you send out the message to G-d: I want to get the help we need. Please show me the way. And if you are honest and clear about that, the answer will come. An email, a Facebook post, a casual conversation with a friend – and the answer is revealed. You already have a connection – me. I have opened Beit Roga’s doors to any and all in need of the help we provide, and free consultations are part of the deal. Skype sessions are scheduled and waiting. You just have to knock. You need to make the connection. You need to come for the help.
G-d helps those that help themselves – you know the saying? Why is that? Why doesn’t G-d just heal us if He knows we need it? Because there is a lesson to learn. And we won’t learn it if we are constantly coddled and taken care of. We need to empower ourselves, recognize where there is a need for us to get help, and take the steps to get it. It is part of the process.
Many people equate needing help with weakness, failure. If I can’t take care of it myself, I am doing something wrong. WRONG. Recognizing you need help and going to get it is a sign of STRENGTH. I am willing to do anything I need to to keep my body physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually strong. I am willing to do what I need so that I can continue to be the best person I can be. THAT is strength, NOT weakness. That is recognizing that we are human. That G-d put us here not to be omniscient, but to recognize how we need each other to move forward in life. It is part of the greater quilt called humanity. Do you feel a weakness when you go to buy milk from the grocer’s? No? Why not? Why don’t you get yourself a cow so you don’t need to depend on someone else? For some reason, we have taken it totally for granted that we can rely on each other for some things – namely food, funiture, electricity, water, gas – but not for others.
Going to someone who is trained to assist the body in healing is not a crime of personal failure. It is this point that I think this whole topic boils down to. Some people make the excuse of time, money, distance, lack of exactly the type of treatment they are looking for. Bottom line – you can make excuses from here until tomorrow. If you think going to someone to improve your or your kid’s health is weakness, well, that is what we are examining here. Do you think it is any different than getting milk from the grocer’s? It is not different. You may think it is, because no one ever made you feel like lesser of a person for wanting milk and yet not owning a cow, or wanting a tomato but not growing your own vegetables. Imagine if we all had to be self-sufficient for everything?
But, having an emotional crisis, feeling the war going on outside wreaking havoc inside your body – that we should all have our own PhDs in, yes?
So, let’s lower the bar. Let’s stop expecting omniscience in areas of our lives we really don't have professional experience in. Some things, as mothers, we learn along the way. But not everything – we CAN’T– nor shouldn’t – know everything. Know what you know. Know what you don’t. And get the help you and your family needs. It empowers you and your kids. It teaches them – a lesson above all lessons – that you recognize that you are human, that they can be human, and that it is OK to turn to a professional for the help we need. A lesson for life. Make it OK for them. Don’t make it taboo. Be honest about our humanity. It is not a weakness. It is our collective strength.
With love and hope for peace and serenity for all right now,
The Doors Are Open - you only need to take that step inside...
Beit Roga is open to all who feel the need to come. Free consultations, free Flower Essence trials, and discounts on treatments...you only need to take that first step. Options available for those who don't want to travel - just call me to hear about them. 02-653-7422
With love, Devorah and the Beit Roga Wellness Center