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And Lastly...

Ok, last one on Feminine and Masculine Energies, for now.

There was a point I wanted to make last week, but then the blog went in a whole different direction. Only after I finished writing I was like, “Hey, this is different than what I thought I was writing about today…” :)

So here’s one more thing.

When we are wearing masculine and feminine energies that are nor “ours”, we often wind up in situations where we are wondering why people in our closest relationships are not giving us what we most want. Whether that is support, gifts, unconditional love, space, intimacy, appreciation, independence, or sharing, today’s blog is all about the secret to why that is happening.

We, or I should say, I, often wonder why the person I would most like to get “____“ from (fill in with one of the nouns above, or list your own), is not giving that to me. Why is it that we so often feel that what we most need out of a relationship is not forthcoming? And when that happens, we get frustrated, hurt, upset, bewildered. We wonder what may be wrong with us, or with this other person, that we are not getting what we need?!

There is a secret here, and when I share it with you, you may not like it. It is sometimes the hardest lessons to hear and swallow that are the most meaningful in our lives.

There are two tenets here:

What we do not get in a relationship is what we are not giving in that relationship.

What we do not get in a relationship is what we do not allow in that relationship.

These are two different ideas, and impact us in different ways. But there is a stark similarity here that is most important to point out.

The world we. What is missing in a relationship boils down to us. Not to the other person. Before we can start saying it is the other person, we first need to ask, and what about me?

Am I giving this person the love/respect/space/support s/he deserves and needs?

Am I allowing this person to love/respect/give me space/support me?

Let’s leave the first one for a while, because I don’t want to get to the end of this blog and still not have addressed what I thought I was going to address last week. :)

So often it is exactly what we block the other person in a relationship from giving us that we most find lacking in that relationship. Why? Because it is lacking in us. We feel we can’t get unconditional love from our partner? Look at yourself – do you love yourself unconditionally? We feel our partner is not appreciating us, or giving us gifts. Well, how good are you at taking a compliment or accepting a gift?

We do not do this consciously, of course. We think the other person should know this is what we need. Well, why do we need it so badly in the first place? Because we do not give it to ourselves. So we seek it from others. But what we block in ourselves we block others from giving us as well.

We may so badly wish our spouse or partner or children would show appreciation for all we do. But if we walk around taking care of everything and not leaving room for others to pitch in, we are closing ourselves off to compliments. We got it, we are telling them. We have this covered and I don’t need your help. So they think you go this covered and don’t think you need to be complimented for it. Why compliment someone for something they so badly seem to want to be doing? Right?

There are many ways this may show up in your life. Be aware. What are the people in your life not giving you that gets you so frustrated. What is it you most want from your spouse, child, parent. Then take a good hard look at yourself. Not critical, not judgemental*. Just observe. Is there something you are not giving here? Is there something you are blocking from getting here? What is it?

* (If you are being critical or judgemental, this may be the perfect place to start. Staying in a critical/judgemental/guilty space will block clarity and growth from coming. It is self-defeating. Start here. Be gentle with yourself. Turn criticism into compliments – find the good you do in the day, not the bad, etc. Turn judgement and guilt into acceptance. There are two phrases that really hels me when I am worried about making a mistake: There are no mistakes; only the longer and shorter path of getting you where you need to go. And all is well and exactly how it should be. Now hug yourself and get on with your day!)

If it is something you are not giving, start. Now. If you have a hard time giving it, or if it is something you yourself are blocking yourself from getting, look inside. Is this from feelings of low self-worth? Is there some insecurity driving you? You may be able to do this work on your own, or, if you are finding yourself confused or without the answers to unlock this block, seek help from a coach, a close understanding friend, a holistic therapist.

Now imagine that the trigger is gone. How is your life different? If you didn’t feel that insecurity, what would you allow yourself to feel? If you didn’t feel that frustration, how would you behave? If you are totally open to giving and receiving unconditional love, acceptance, compassion, compliments, gifts, charity and acts of kindness, what more could you be doing in your life? How supported and free and powerful would you feel?

It’s out there. It is you. Peel away the layers and find it. Put down those masculine/feminine compensatory tools and be yourself.

I love you!

With so much love and serenity,


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